June 18th; Happy Again, My Friend

Forget what I have said before – life isn’t as crappy as people make it out to be. Sure, things go down that would make a throng of newborn kittens weep but, for the most part, those things are rarities.

I saw the world through different eyes today. I figured that if I got caught up on every heartache, I was going to destroy myself. I am not going to let that happen. Not when there are so many loving people around me that have done nothing but given me every excuse to be joyous.

After five years of never really giving myself a break, I slept in. It wasn’t too late but it felt great. I was able to just let go, put my head on the pillow, and snoozed for an hour more. I had a quick shower and I swear the water temperature was perfect. I was in heaven.

Mom stayed home from work so we went on an adventure – I drove – to see my life-long babysitter, Louise. While mom and Louise talked, I ran around with Amber and collected aquatic vegetation from the nearby swamp/forest area. I also answered Louise’s several wildflower questions which validated the past two years I have spent on my education at Fleming College.

A few more errands, some practice parking, a bite to eat, and it was already 5:45pm. The day went quickly but I did not mind at all. I was happy – truly happy. I didn’t have to fake it. I was actually jovial and that made me want to hug something. Luckily I have two dogs and two kittens.

I am pumped for Saturday. Perhaps it is my high off of today’s events and my good feeling, but I am excited for the Toth Bonfire and BBQ. That means you, buddy. I have been working on the Jeep footage and it should be done by the end of this weekend if I am not too busy. I will have to invite you over so you can review the changes I have. The mo’fo’ is finally under 20 minutes.

That’s it. That is all I wanted to say.

w00tercakes with score-sauce!

- Jeffrey

June 13th; A New Kind of Living

It has been a week and I am not sure what I have to say.

A lot has happened but I am not sure how willing I am to share it. A lot of people have been talking to me about some pretty serious stuff. I am always willing to lend an ear – that is not the issue – but I worry about my friends and family. Stuff happens. I hope I can provide for them.

In other news, my brother has become quite the man right before my eyes. A new house, a new fiancée, and now a new dog. It is a lot to take in. I am so incredibly proud and happy for him. I really couldn’t ask for a better older brother. He has been nothing but supportive and encouragement. Even during the rough few years, he was there and I am thankful for that.

I had some people over last night. It was a great experience and yet another nice addition to my Heritage Day experiences. I love hosting and it gave me the opportunity to connect with people I haven’t seen in a quite a long time. I have known them for easily 5 years, but it something new always surprises me every time I see them. They are an excellent bunch.

The weeks that are coming up should prove to be promising. At the end of the month I have my G2 driving test. Since my mother will be caught up with convocation, my father will be taking me out to smooth out the blemishes so to speak. My dad is a great guy but he isn’t very critical of me. I worry he will be unwilling to point out my mistakes in hopes to keep the peace.

A completed plant collection and a perhaps a job/volunteer position and I would call myself content. The in between might be tricky and a bit tedious but I will grow from that. That is what life is all about.


- Jeffrey

June 7th; My Eyes! They Do Nothing!

After many years of simply stating that I am “colour blind” I now have a more definite diagnosis.

I am what the optometrists like to call a “strong deutan”. Allow me to explain.

With someone like me who has deuteranopia or red-green colour blindness, the medium wavelength sensitive cones (green) are missing all together. A deuteranope can only distinguish 2 to 3 different hues, whereas somebody with normal vision sees 7 different hues. It is not only red and green that I have trouble with but also greys, purples, and greenish-blues. Basically, I have a tough time differentiating between hues that are close together and also “blend” colours within the red to green spectrum (approximately 700 to 500 nanometres).

I always wondered why I am having the “No, it is blue” argument when people insist it is purple or green. Also, I honestly have trouble picking out a stop sign when it is surrounded in green foliage. Obviously I do not mean it is covered by leaves but rather the backdrop of the stop sign is leaves.

One more hurdle in my identification skills but I am still technically the best in my program. I wonder how that happened. Perhaps I study too much. That Purple Finch versus a House Finch is killer (colour wise) but they do look structurally different. I will just have to rely on shape rather than colour.

Needless to say, I went for an eye exam today. In amongst that I also ran some chores and marveled in how lovely it is to have something to do. I mean, relaxing is all good in theory but after a while it can get tedious. This frustrating job search has made me realize that perhaps I should just find a good volunteer position to keep my mind and hands busy. I might go a little batty without something to do.

Wish me luck, mes amies.

- Jeffrey

June 2nd; It's Taken Me This Long To Learn

I want it to thunder out. The sky will wage noisy war with the atoms in the air. Roaring and imploding. The only evidence is a brief flash of light that quickly dissipates. I want the heavens to scream the frustration for me so my head doesn’t leak out silliness in the form of words. Let the stars rain down in the earth and will the oceans with fury. I need Nature to show some anger. I am not doing too well in this hot stickiness.

In my dim room, I am accompanied by Mishka, Kira and Amber. Pets are special. Their mammalian love makes me happy. They mean more to me than just a pleasant combination of bones, muscle and fur. They are my friends. The first ones I had were pets. They do not mock you, prod you and push you down. Then again, they don’t really challenge you at all.

I am having some troubles with allowing myself to just let go. Mistakes weigh heavily on me. Each one is like a 1 pound weight. Alone they are no problem at all. However, as one after the other piles on my shoulders, the stress builds. Everyone has a breaking point.

It is the silliest things that are upsetting me and I have no idea why I allow them to affect me so much. It is just a freaking driving lesson. It is not the end of the world. What should motivate me actually makes me feel even more pathetic. It tears pieces of me away. Perhaps I have to leave this perfectionism behind (uhh…duh!) but I like too much. It has kept me safe. I cling to that kind of security.

I have forgotten my faith in all of this. I need to venture back to it. It is important. It will give me the strength needed. Nothing else matters as long as I feel the gentle warmth in my heart. That is all that is really important.

All that remains is my only little wish that this is just another fleeting moment. “It’s time to put that happy face on again” the voice says. Lord knows, I am going to listen.


- Jeffrey