I want it to thunder out. The sky will wage noisy war with the atoms in the air. Roaring and imploding. The only evidence is a brief flash of light that quickly dissipates. I want the heavens to scream the frustration for me so my head doesn’t leak out silliness in the form of words. Let the stars rain down in the earth and will the oceans with fury. I need Nature to show some anger. I am not doing too well in this hot stickiness.
In my dim room, I am accompanied by Mishka, Kira and Amber. Pets are special. Their mammalian love makes me happy. They mean more to me than just a pleasant combination of bones, muscle and fur. They are my friends. The first ones I had were pets. They do not mock you, prod you and push you down. Then again, they don’t really challenge you at all.
I am having some troubles with allowing myself to just let go. Mistakes weigh heavily on me. Each one is like a 1 pound weight. Alone they are no problem at all. However, as one after the other piles on my shoulders, the stress builds. Everyone has a breaking point.
It is the silliest things that are upsetting me and I have no idea why I allow them to affect me so much. It is just a freaking driving lesson. It is not the end of the world. What should motivate me actually makes me feel even more pathetic. It tears pieces of me away. Perhaps I have to leave this perfectionism behind (uhh…duh!) but I like too much. It has kept me safe. I cling to that kind of security.
I have forgotten my faith in all of this. I need to venture back to it. It is important. It will give me the strength needed. Nothing else matters as long as I feel the gentle warmth in my heart. That is all that is really important.
All that remains is my only little wish that this is just another fleeting moment. “It’s time to put that happy face on again” the voice says. Lord knows, I am going to listen.
- Jeffrey
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