August 31st; Annoyance

It has only been a day, not even twenty four hours, and I already feel the need to write again.

Where did that happy feeling go?

I know, deep down, what the problem is but i do not know why it happens to bother me today. When I do not do very much all day, I get quite moody. Most people are just bored when nothing is going on. I get angry.

My anger usually is taken out on my father because he is the easiest target. He takes it all and does not fight back. I know I should not, and apologizing seems redundant, so I just keep on doing it. I do not know what to say to his anymore. I am completely lost.

I need more friends so I have more opportunities to branch out and do my own thing. I am getting tired of staying home all of the time. I guess I am waiting for college to begin so I can meet new people and expand my options a bit.

I do not know. I just needed to vent. I feel like either crying, running away or punching a wall. None of these I want to do. I just I am just bored and for me that transforms into this fury, this hate I have for myself and how I have nothing to do all day but think about how I have nothing to do all day.

It is no fun.

August 30th; Braggin or Just Bloggin?

So, this is weird.

I finally decided that I need to blog because the conventional journal is just not doing for me anymore. It is a matter of convenience. I will not give on my journal but simply add to it by doing this as well.

Carrying around the journal was getting tedious and made it fairly obvious what I was doing. I guess, I felt bad about bitching to myself when really it just makes me feel like an idiot and does not accomplish anything but allow me to dwell on my thought. Possibly, by putting those ridiculous ideas up here I can get some 'constructive criticism' as well as some relief from the voices in my head.

I also believe I will still us my other 'physical' journal, as I call it, for more private matters like complaining about the people in my life. It shall get some good use as there are many people that are pissing me off but I been able to, generally, control myself. I am sure more will come in the future. I laugh as I am actually looking forward to it. Despite what my brother says, I believe a healthy dose of whining is good for the soul.

So, school starts for me soon and I am that usual combination of excited and fearful. It has been two years since I have been in school and college in itself is a change of atmosphere. Gosh, I feel so old. Twenty and attending college for the first time. I can blame illness on that but really, even if I was well, I was not ready.

Now, it is definitely a different story. I feel much more capable to take on those things I never really did in high school such as joining in social events, participating in clubs and generally not caring so much about grades. I am a much happier person than I once was and now I think I can 'do' school and not worry too much needlessly.

I also adore how snarky I seem in these things. I am like a totally different person. I feel like I am both complaining and bragging at the same time. I do not quite like it as much as I hope but I am getting used to it. Why hide who I am? I am a pompous nice-guy with little life experience and a bit of an underlying ego (created from years of feeling ignored). Hopefully as I continue to write these I will begin to understand exactly who is this 'Jeffrey' character.

That is all for now.

Cheers!


~ DaaBree-Jeff