So Close I Can Feel It

Lately I have been okay with myself. This is a totally new feeling for me. I am so used to hating myself or at least a part of me.

Obviously, this is well held secret. It may even come as a surprise to you.

Hate is such a powerful word and I think I have misused it. I don't think I could ever hate myself. For accurately, for a long time, I have been very disappointed in my result life and my previous actions.

However, that does not appear to be the case this week. The last few days have been good to me.

Even if I am being blinded by some sort of happiness, I will take this self-love as is. I do not want to ruin it.

On the other hand, I am deeply worried about some of my friends. Quite a few seem to be going through a really hard part of their lives. The common factor in all of them are relationships. Friends and partners can be wonderful but they also have a habit of destroying you slowly.

It is painful to see relationships go down hill. Worse still to witness the aftermath.

The close of summer is so close that I can feel it. While for some they are dreading September, I am looking forward to it. I want this summer semester of college to be over. I want all those culminating tasks to be over with and to begin the hands-on stuff.

I can hardly believe it has been almost a year straight of college. I must be wacky.

I Thought It Was The End

There is a man named Jon who is 22 years old and has a warrant out for his arrest.

Biking back from the grocery store (something I swore I would never do) I was trying to balance a bag of milk and some foil-wrapped potatoes when I came to a intersection.
I really wanted to get home - seriously regretting not taking the bike home from my ride and just walking to the store - so instead of waiting for the light to change, I started to go down the street on the opposite side.

I was going to cut across as there were no cars coming when I saw a police car. Upon seeing this, I decided to stay where I was at wait to cross at the next intersection. Suddenly, the police car made an U-turn and he was right infront of me. I thought I was dead.

Luckily enough, I swerved at the last second and made it safely to the other side of the road. Hopped off the bike and held my chest. My heart was going a billion paces a hour. From behind me I heard, "Hey you! Come over here!".

I was so freaking scared. I thought I was going to ram into his car and kill himself. A little shaken, I quickly crossed the road. Fear does strange things to people. I felt like crying but instead I yell "How is this my fault?!" I can be so stupid.

"Excuse me?" he said looking down from his 6 and a half foot stature. I asked how it was my fault that he made a U-turn in front of me. He corrected me in saying he was making a turn in a designated zone and that it was my fault I was on the wrong side of the road. I could have killed myself.

I once heard bikes were considered vehicles but I never got the conformation until today. I spoke truthfully when I said I didn't know. Seriously, officer. I didn't.

He asked for my ID and I gave it to him. He said a bunch of jargon and then said my name and birth date. Some women ran a check on me. A minute later - it felt like hours - she replied that there were no Jeffreys but there was a 22 old man named Jon with the same last name that was wanted. He refused to make eye contact with me (which mine were just beginning to water as I considered what this man could do to me).

He told me next time to be more careful, to ride on the correct side of traffic or one day I WILL end up dead. I wanted to shake his hand and thank him but he was already back in the car. My heart was still racing.

I feel like saying a little prayer. I have been saved once again.

Random Thoughts

You Look Cuter Without Glasses

Do You Want To Play A LoveGame? LoveGame! It's A Shame. LoveGame! I Do Not Even Know The Lyrics To This Thang...

That Computer Has A Green-Screen Of Death!!

Everything Would Look Cooler If 'EA' Words Were Converted To 'AE'.

I Bet Pudding and Fudge Would Taste Good Together. Too Bad Both Liquefy My Innards.

Everyday Would Be Better With Kittens.

[[more later. class now.]]