April 10th; Hope Restored

I am so freaking happy right now.

I decided to go to the Fleming College open house and that turned out to be a fabulous choice. First of all, I love sharing my experience with people (especially potential Fish and Wildlife students). Second, it is always good to do two things at once so while I was gaining volunteer “brownie” points I was also working on my opossum hide.

After that was all said and done (9:30am to 2:15pm) I headed to the BioCommons to study my aquatic invertebrates. My classmate Lisa was also there and we got to talking. Apparently she was looking for a house to live in next year. Guess who has some vacancies at the house he is living in.

So Lisa and Megan popped by the house and basically fell in love with it. I was so happy when the words “I would love to live here” came out of their mouths.

There is some competition for the house but hopefully we can get what we want: Jeffrey, Megan, Lisa and Emma (Lisa’s current roommate) to live at 43 Bond St. The young women that was also looking at the house seemed nice enough and I would not mind her living her as well but if it interferes with my friends getting in, then I might be vicious.

As a pit of pre-celebration, Beth (another friend) came to see the house and then Beth, Lisa and Megan and I went to Peterborough for some sushi. Never really had it before – absolutely love it now. I will definitely going to have to go out for sushi again. The raymen noodles that I ordered were pretty darn tasty as well.

So few times I have truly good news like this. I feel like I am on cloud nine. If only, my wishes came true. I would be a very happy Jeffrey come September time. It would effectively wipe away my school concerns. I can feel it now…

Ah! I love this feeling!


- Jeffrey

April 8th; School of the Fin and Fang

It is kind of strange how one little comment can change your entire mood.

I was sitting in Animal Pathology class when my friend turned to me to ask what I was doing this weekend. We swapped plans and somehow got on the topic of next years. She asked me if I intended to come back for the third year of Fish and Wildlife. I said I did. Then she mentioned the aquatic vegetation collection.

I pretty much just denied it until the end of the lecture. The class happened to end 15 minutes before the next lecture so I popped over to the Wildlife lab to speak to John. Apparently there is another vegetation collection…and it is 100 species this time - 100 aquatic species.

It was hard enough to collect 80 species when it was common stuff that you find all around the place. This time it is all aquatic. This prompted me to look up what the courses are for next year.

Big Game and Fur Management I
Environmental Analysis
Fall Field Camp
Field Placement
Limnology III
Sport and Commercial Fisheries
Waterfowl Management

Applied GIS
Big Game and Fur Management II
Environmental Monitoring
Environmental Sampling and Analysis
Field Placement
Fisheries and Wildlife Research Project
Integrated Habitat Assessment
Winter Field Camp

It sounds pretty freaking cool. I am not AS excited for the Fisheries stuff but that is only one class. I have been struggling with my study skin so the Big Game and Fur Management is kind of intimidating. However, I do really enjoy a challenge.

I am just so worried about things. I want to stop thinking about school 24/7. I want to actually enjoy the summer this year rather than just “tolerate” like I did last year. I wonder if this is the right thing for me. I wonder if I am just doing this because it “seemed like fun”. It is crazy.

For the time being, I will sit with it. I am a tough cookie. I can deal with it.

Still – I feel like I need a little extra something to help me along. Pray for me?


- Jeffrey

April 6th; Days to the Brim

It has been an interesting couple of days:

I have been through hell and back, so to speak. Although it was just a infection it was pretty serious. It was literally a matter of life and limb. If it got into the heart...whatever.

I went to the cottage for some R&R and realized that I belong with nature. It makes me feel good. The air is breathable. The smells are palatable. The sights are worthy of going blind over.

Today was an experience: I performed a mammal necropsy on a muskrat, I filled out an accident report, studied aquatic invertebrates, ate Manwich (yum), I got a drive home from my pathology professor, biked to Canadian Tire to get a lunch box, started to make a sandwich and realized that the bread had poppy seeds in them (allergic) and then flopped down on my bed when I noticed that I hadn't purchased some salt for my opossum hide.

Life has been full lately. Very, very full. Once again I feel that tug to go back to the basics. I am very much looking forward to a summer of free-living. It would be nice to work.

I am going to go before my head explodes.

Love


- Jeffrey

April 2nd; I Have Felt Them All

Complete apathy --> Misery --> Fatigue --> Illness --> Confounding thoughts --> Guilt --> Relief --> Numbness.

These past few days I have felt them all.

I am in that place where I do not know what to do with myself. Recently I have been doing the silly thing of analyzing my relationships with people. I have made some conclusions which the results are less than satisfactory.

It all boils down to this: I need to make more time for my friends.

This summer is about three things:
a) Finding a job
b) Getting my G2
c) Being with my friends

Nothing must get in my way of accomplishing those things. There are some pretty amazing people in my life that deserve more attention. As well, I can admit, I miss them all so dearly. I feel like I am shooting myself in the foot if I let them slip away. They are my life-force. I need them to be happy.

Therefore, beware of Jeffrey. In the days to come he will be requesting to see you and then spend some time with you.

I hope you are all adequately prepared.


- Jeffrey

March 27th; Loved Ones

Sometimes, we make mistakes:


Snatched – gone – taken from your home
The terror beyond your unseeing eyes
Stolen from the world that you have never known
Never hearing your mother’s sorrowful cries

You will not get the chance to scurry
To play and to enjoy your beautiful youth
The Hounds of Hell took you away in a hurry
Filched of the period where you could run aloof

I held your hand in mine
I could feel the sadness in your heart
The pressure in my own
And the hurt inside of my breast
“You will never be opening your eyes”
It was all I could think as I dried your hair
I looked inside to find some life
All I found was more pain in there
I am sorry I took you from the Earth
The kind nurse of bone, leaf and soil
Now you are violated and decapitated
Left in an orange bag – left only to spoil

Detached – done – I’m a beast and no less
I love you too late so I suffer the pain
I thought I could help but I was wrong
There some are things I cannot obtain

Once I was a saviour – but that is no more
I failed to be your kind human friend
I remember your grey, black and white patterns
But I cannot put your sweet body back again



- Jeffrey

March 25th; Full of Good

I know I have been hard on myself.

I know I do not really give people the time and day that I should.

I know that sometimes I think too much about thing and miss those wonderful opportunities.

I know that I come across as a self-seeking, smart ass from time to time

I know that I am nowhere near the perfect person I want to be.

However, today I received something that proved to me that I am not the loser I think I am. I am smiling and I feel good about myself. There is that long sought spring in my step. The sun is shining both on my face and in my heart. I love myself today.

I want to share this love. Who will receive it?

March 21; My Infliction Realized

Every so often you get one of those moments where you just stop and realize that your life is not a pile of gos se but rather things are quite excellent.

This weekend is a fantastic example of that. My father picked me up at Fleming College on possibly one of the best days – weather wise – that the town of Lindsay has experienced in months. I am saying winter is not beautiful in its own way, but after a few REALLY cold weeks, it is nice to have the sun shining and a light breeze blowing between the Scots pines.

When I got home, I played some basket-ball and settled in for the evening. The next morning I got up with my mother and we went off to work. I had a job interview with Human Wildlife Control at 9:30am which I was both looking forward to and, in a way, dreading. I realized a little too late that I might not meet some of the qualifications.

In the words of the interviewer, I “nailed it” and I am going to call him mid-April to see if he needs me. It felt as if he was telling me that I had the job as long as there was a need for another person on the crew. In my mind, that is a mission accomplished.

That evening my father and I watched a really bad Japanese monster, had a good hardy laugh, and went to bed refreshed. Rarely do I get that these hectic days at school. Usually my thoughts are too enraptured in assignments and tests to feel much peace. It is as if my eyelids close from exhaustion rather than a will to have a good night’s rest.

Saturday I woke up tired but excited. I had the feeling that despite the tranquil process of going to bed, my sleep was packed full of dreams. I do have a fleeting recollection of my mother, in the dream, mentioning my shoes were too effeminate and that my ribs were enlarging underneath my skin; stretching it to the point of tearing. The excitement was around seeing my friends, Kyle and Matt, after a brief but acknowledgeable absence. It may have only been two weeks, but I already felt like I was losing touch with them. Also, I was looking forward to giving Matt a CD for his birthday – “Read Music, Speak Spanish”.

Kyle came around 3:20pm; we quickly picked up some isopropyl alcohol (for my beasties) and then played 7 solid games of pool. To my surprise, I am played well. I always thought I was insufficiently talented for a guy whose parent’s OWNED a pool table. My brother, his girlfriend and two friends joined my parents, Kyle and I for dinner. We mowed down on sausages and salad for dinner, my parents left for a concert and then we ‘kids’ played Cranium WOW. The game is quite tricky but it was a lot of fun.

Matt popped by around 8:00pm. More pool was played and fun was had. Something about Kyle and Matt – even friends in general – make me so happy inside. I am sure that sounds kind of silly, and rather perverse, but that is what I feel. There is this swell of “goodness” that has the most enjoyable sensation ever.

I am going to stop there before I say something really disgusting.

I am truly lucky to have these people: Emily (x3), Matt, Kyle, Amy, Meg (x3), Karen, Jason (x2), Andrea and Brett. Sometimes I am really naïve about it, but recently I have realized that these are the people that make my life matter. It is not school. It is not good grades. It is not even following the rules and being a model citizen. It is my friends.

Why did I see this earlier?


- Jeffrey


(image courtesy of MindStep ©2008)